top of page

The Key to Unlocking Your Child's World: The Power of Active Listening

a chibi girl surrounded by tech dolls books and photos
Hyperconnected World

In our hyper-connected world, where attention spans are dwindling and distractions are just a click away, one might wonder if the art of listening is getting lost in the noise. However, I am here to champion a skill that is as old as conversation itself, yet as timely as ever - active listening.

This ability, especially when practiced with children, has transformative power. Not only can it build stronger connections, but it can also foster attentiveness, encouraging open communication and a deeper understanding of each other.

Imagine a scenario. Your child comes home from school, shoulders slumped, eyes downcast. You notice their demeanour, and you make a guess,

Dad talking to child who seems worried
"You look worried..."

"You look pretty worried. Do you want to talk about what is going on?" Suddenly, you have opened a window into their world. This, my friends, is the starting point of active listening - noticing and acknowledging.

Active listening is not a passive process; it is an intentional act. It is not just about hearing the words spoken but involves understanding the emotion, intent, and unsaid feelings behind those words.

It is about going beneath the surface and grasping what is not being directly communicated. It is about engaging, empathizing, and empowering.

Sounds complex, doesn't it? You might even feel that it is unnatural or robotic at first. But let me assure you, with practice, it starts to become second nature.

Now, you might be wondering, "How exactly do I practice active listening with my child?" I am glad you asked!

Active listening is a multistep dance, and it begins with awareness. Notice when your child is emotional or stressed, even at a subtle level. This sensitivity is not confined to high-stress situations; it can be practiced even during mundane conversations.

mom supporting a worried child
Mom aware something is wrong

Once you have tuned in, let your child know that you are there to listen, providing them the space to express themselves. An invitation to dialogue can be as simple as saying, "It sounds like you had a tough day at school, I'm here to listen if you'd like to talk."

The next step involves deep engagement. Listen to understand your child, paraphrase their words back to them, and validate their emotions. This validation is crucial as it shows that you care about what they are feeling.

Suppose your child is disappointed because they were not invited to a sleepover. You might respond with, "OK, so what I’m hearing is that Sarah didn’t invite you to the sleepover this weekend — that’s really disappointing! I could see how you’d feel pretty sad about that and left out." By mirroring their feelings and experiences, you help your child feel understood and cared for.

Now here comes the tricky part. As adults, our instinct often pushes us to jump into problem-solving mode.

mom and dad dressed as superheros
Superhero Parents

We want to wipe away the tears, fight off the monsters, and make everything okay. However, in our haste to 'fix it', we might inadvertently send the message that negative emotions are not OK to talk about, which may lead to less communication about tricky situations or emotions over time.

The best gift we can give our children is not the immediate resolution of their problems but the validation of their feelings and the space to navigate their emotions.

It is essential to avoid strategies such as downplaying the situation, immediate problem-solving, distracting with something fun, using stressful situations as teaching moments, taking another person’s side, or criticizing how your child is feeling. These can all potentially undermine the process of active listening and the child's emotional experience.

Dad reassuring girl sitting on a sofa by the window
"I understand..."

Instead, focus on validating the difficulty of the situation and how your child feels. For example, saying, "Yes, that does sound hard to deal with. I understand why you are upset about it," could provide more comfort than any immediate solution you might offer. Remember, this does not mean agreeing with them or justifying inappropriate behaviour. You can actively listen and still set boundaries on what they are and are not allowed to do.

Active listening is like giving your child a safe space to communicate their thoughts and feelings.

By slowing down conversations and fully understanding your child’s thoughts and feelings, you lay a solid foundation for problem-solving and teamwork to address challenges.

Active listening, however, is not just about the problems. It is about all conversations, from the insignificant to the deeply personal.

It is about nurturing a relationship that is based on understanding, empathy, and mutual respect.

The benefits of active listening stretch far beyond resolving a specific issue. It fosters trust, promotes self-esteem, and can improve your child's overall communication skills.

By showing your child that their feelings are valid and that their words matter, you are empowering them to express themselves confidently.

Moreover, active listening can also help in developing your child’s emotional intelligence. It can help them better understand and regulate their emotions, empathize with others, and navigate social interactions with more ease and effectiveness.

In a world where we are often acting rushed to stop and listen, active listening is a small act that can have a profound impact. It tells your child, "I see you; I hear you, and you matter." It is a powerful message, one that can shape their self-image, their relationships, and their place in the world.

Family content and embracing
Communication is key to happiness

In conclusion, active listening is more than just a communication tool; it is a parenting strategy that can foster attentiveness, empathy, and resilience in children. It is not always easy, and it requires patience and practice. But the rewards — a deeper connection with your child, a greater understanding of their world, and the satisfaction of seeing them grow into emotionally intelligent individuals — are well worth the effort.

I hope you found this blog post informative and engaging. As you apply active listening in your interactions with children, remember that every conversation is an opportunity to strengthen your bond and understand them better. Happy listening!

Peartree logo

Citation - Information for this blog post was researched from insightful articles on:

"The Power of Active Listening" from Right as Rain by UW Medicine

Oxford Learning: "Improve Your Child’s Active Listening Skills"

Skill Packs: "Barriers to listening"

11 views0 comments
bottom of page